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Tales from a Motorcycle Saddle.


What type are you?


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This was written in the 1970s by someone under the name of "Velofellow".  It is too good to not to include, so if copyright is being breached please inform the webmaster and this page will be removed.

Recognise yourself?

You must have met them, the motorcycle types, ranging from BMW fanatics to the "Frantic" Chopper brigade. The can be elderly, middle aged or in their teens, but they all share in the fascination of motorcycling…

Type One
Haunts the dealer’s showrooms for twelve months or more before acquiring a brand new moped or small scooter. In this time he has accumulated many brochures and leaflets on the subject, and on the day of purchasing the machine arrives at the dealer’s showroom one hour prior to opening. Fixes L plates, sets off for home with utmost caution, traffic outside shop slows instinctively. On arriving home polishes machine for two hours. One month later has covered over 1000 miles and swears his machine has almost the acceleration of a Honda four. Now on the lookout for a bigger motorcycle (when the law permits) to celebrate his 17th birthday.
P.S. Sometimes runs in packs

Type Two
Seldom seen on two wheels in public and usually owns either a Thames van or a Jenson. Despite this he is the idol of thousands of motorcyclists. He dons gaily coloured leathers and actually works on and rides racing machines. He is fast and a superb stylist. He is in his element at club functions when, together with his track colleagues, he really lets his hair down. On Saturdays or Sundays in winter he may be seen riding in trials but not scrambles. Fans sometimes wonder who does the paint jobs on bike and helmet. Would no doubt paint more stars etc if starting money was increased to allow for more expenditure on paint.

Type Three
Type One Considers Type Three very, very old. Has quaint ideas about headgear – wouldn’t wear a Bell Star for all the tea in China, mourns the passing of the cloth cap worn backwards and makes do with the Sherlock Holmes type. Travels great distances once or twice a year and short distances frequently on a Sunbeam or Triumph Ricardo. Machines always in pristine condition, unfortunately not so his gear, for he still swears by his ancient Stormguard three-in-one motorcycling coat and waders. He will make interesting conversation for hours, about Raleighs and Rudges, is reluctant to admit that Japanese machines exist. Has quite a job these days to obtain carbide for his lamp. Well liked by most, admired by Type Two, a complete mystery to Type One.

Type Four
Never happier than when holding a spanner. Enjoys riding bikes but revels in taking them to pieces. Has many friends calling at his home, which incidentally, has a lathe in the workshop. Will travel out of his way to help a chum in need and never accepts payment for his services. Admired by everyone for his cheerful disposition; his one fault – has no other interests; unmarried.
Type 4                             Type 6

Type Five
Owns the most expensive motorcycle obtainable, has the best motorcycle two piece suit available. His attractive partner is also similarly attired. Both have full face helmets with visors. Bike has full pannier equipment and, like rider and pillion passenger is well groomed. Has a mania for collecting circuit and motor cycle name badges which adorn his suit.
Travels long distances but always arrives at his destination immaculate; one suspects that the pouches of his gloves contain "Quickies" – both freshener pouches being marked appropriately "His" and "Hers".
Doesn’t talk much, if at all, except to his colleague on identical machine. Machines, riders, and passengers go everywhere together, touring the continent, race meetings etc.
He does the motorcycle image good. Car drivers and hotel proprietors accept him, as do Isle of Man landladies.
He does not mind paying for a good job to be done, but this is seldom necessary as his machine is never a thou out and like his plugs, like his boots are always clean. Main fault is that he worries unnecessarily. Constantly listens for strange and unusual noises in the engine. After owning three Bee-Emms has finally accepted the gearbox.

Type 5

Type Six
This type buys ‘em, does’em up and sells ‘em… but hardly ever rides them. He is not a conversationalist and therefore can appear to be a bit abrupt. His interests seem to stem from a well worked out plan to "service and sell", the aim of which is to acquire a Benelli Six – and probably will! Not very much is known about this type who may occasionally be seen alone at the bar either staring into space or scribbling in a well thumbed notebook.

Type Seven
The last type in the drawing is probably the best known of all. He doesn’t just ride motorcycles; he eats, sleeps and digests them! Used to perform his functions on either a Square Four or Rapide but keeping up with the times, now favours a Honda Four or a Suzuki 750. He is always returned as club secretary; is a mine of information on machines past and present.
Sometimes hitches on a chair when his wife helps him prepare for club functions. Is seldom thanked for the hard work he puts in behind the scenes, but when this does happen laughs it off as completely irrelevant. His main faults are that he is too easy going and is inclined to stick too many plastic emblems on the panniers, tank, mudguards and screen of his not too clean three or four. Undoubtedly the most active and perhaps the most widely travelled.

There are of course many types not mentioned and it would perhaps be of interest to find out what the Police Type or the Marshall Type are really like. Well, these are my types of people – how about you?

Velofellow c1975

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