You must have met them, the
motorcycle types, ranging from BMW fanatics to the "Frantic" Chopper
brigade. The can be elderly, middle aged or in their teens, but they all
share in the fascination of motorcycling…
Haunts the dealer’s showrooms for
twelve months or more before acquiring a brand new moped or small scooter.
In this time he has accumulated many brochures and leaflets on the subject,
and on the day of purchasing the machine arrives at the dealer’s showroom
one hour prior to opening. Fixes L plates, sets off for home with utmost
caution, traffic outside shop slows instinctively. On arriving home polishes
machine for two hours. One month later has covered over 1000 miles and
swears his machine has almost the acceleration of a Honda four. Now on the
lookout for a bigger motorcycle (when the law permits) to celebrate his 17th
P.S. Sometimes runs in packs
Seldom seen on two wheels in public
and usually owns either a Thames van or a Jenson. Despite this he is the
idol of thousands of motorcyclists. He dons gaily coloured leathers and
actually works on and rides racing machines. He is fast and a superb
stylist. He is in his element at club functions when, together with his
track colleagues, he really lets his hair down. On Saturdays or Sundays in
winter he may be seen riding in trials but not scrambles. Fans sometimes
wonder who does the paint jobs on bike and helmet. Would no doubt paint more
stars etc if starting money was increased to allow for more expenditure on
Type One Considers Type Three
very, very old. Has quaint ideas about headgear – wouldn’t wear a Bell Star
for all the tea in China, mourns the passing of the cloth cap worn backwards
and makes do with the Sherlock Holmes type. Travels great distances once or
twice a year and short distances frequently on a Sunbeam or Triumph Ricardo.
Machines always in pristine condition, unfortunately not so his gear, for he
still swears by his ancient Stormguard three-in-one motorcycling coat and
waders. He will make interesting conversation for hours, about Raleighs and
Rudges, is reluctant to admit that Japanese machines exist. Has quite a job
these days to obtain carbide for his lamp. Well liked by most, admired by
Type Two, a complete mystery to Type One.
Never happier than when
holding a spanner. Enjoys riding bikes but revels in taking them to pieces.
Has many friends calling at his home, which incidentally, has a lathe in the
workshop. Will travel out of his way to help a chum in need and never
accepts payment for his services. Admired by everyone for his cheerful
disposition; his one fault – has no other interests; unmarried.
Owns the most expensive
motorcycle obtainable, has the best motorcycle two piece suit available. His
attractive partner is also similarly attired. Both have full face helmets
with visors. Bike has full pannier equipment and, like rider and pillion
passenger is well groomed. Has a mania for collecting circuit and motor
cycle name badges which adorn his suit.
Travels long distances but
always arrives at his destination immaculate; one suspects that the pouches
of his gloves contain "Quickies" – both freshener pouches being marked
appropriately "His" and "Hers".
Doesn’t talk much, if at all,
except to his colleague on identical machine. Machines, riders, and
passengers go everywhere together, touring the continent, race meetings etc.
He does the motorcycle image
good. Car drivers and hotel proprietors accept him, as do Isle of Man
He does not mind paying for a
good job to be done, but this is seldom necessary as his machine is never a
thou out and like his plugs, like his boots are always clean. Main fault is
that he worries unnecessarily. Constantly listens for strange and unusual
noises in the engine. After owning three Bee-Emms has finally accepted the
This type buys ‘em, does’em up
and sells ‘em… but hardly ever rides them. He is not a conversationalist and
therefore can appear to be a bit abrupt. His interests seem to stem from a
well worked out plan to "service and sell", the aim of which is to acquire a
Benelli Six – and probably will! Not very much is known about this type who
may occasionally be seen alone at the bar either staring into space or
scribbling in a well thumbed notebook.
The last type in the drawing
is probably the best known of all. He doesn’t just ride motorcycles; he
eats, sleeps and digests them! Used to perform his functions on either a
Square Four or Rapide but keeping up with the times, now favours a Honda
Four or a Suzuki 750. He is always returned as club secretary; is a mine of
information on machines past and present.
Sometimes hitches on a chair
when his wife helps him prepare for club functions. Is seldom thanked for
the hard work he puts in behind the scenes, but when this does happen laughs
it off as completely irrelevant. His main faults are that he is too easy
going and is inclined to stick too many plastic emblems on the panniers,
tank, mudguards and screen of his not too clean three or four. Undoubtedly
the most active and perhaps the most widely travelled.
There are of course many types
not mentioned and it would perhaps be of interest to find out what the
Police Type or the Marshall Type are really like. Well, these are my types
of people – how about you?
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